Tags: malaise

nor straws scary

(no subject)

People are hard.

The world is hard.

Most everything is scary and I don't feel adequately equipped to handle it.

How do people learn it all?

i don't know what to do when this happens other than wait.

every now and then, all my insecurities and inadequacies and frustrations and lacks of understanding come crashing down at once.

that's today.

i am now listening to the most painfully beautiful thing i know.
nor straws scary

(no subject)

soon, my lungs will escape from my chest.

i read fugitives and refugees a couple days ago. i think it took a day or three. it was amusing. and i have to say, from reading the book and seeing his picture, i just sorta assumed that palahniuk was gay. today's "revelation" in the willy week didn't really strike me as such. anh.

oh, and hooray for the president's (no, not that president) daughter not dying.

and hooray for canada.

now i take a bath, and think about canada, and soon i'll sleep.

nor straws scary

(no subject)

My shower almost made me throw up. Luckily, my stomach was empty. I heaved a teaspoon or two of acid into the toilet.

I don't know if this counts to end my "I haven't thrown up since high school" streak.
nor straws scary

(no subject)

munkyI just tried to clean some wood in the house using a couple of different types of wood polishing oil that my mom suggested, but they made me sick. The first one gave me a headache, and the second one just made me woozy. By the end I felt that if I went on much longer, I'd probably end up falling down.

That was about 40 minutes ago. I've been sitting or lying down since. I get dizzy when I stand up, and I still feel lightheaded and my eyes burn and my nose tingles a bit.

It seems that my mother is going to have to find someone else to clean the wood, unless she'll be happy with me just dusting it with a dry cloth.

I'm not sure if it was the oil itself or if it was a frangrance in it that was bothering me. I'm very sensitive to fragrances. Last time I was in Nordstrom's I had to run out of the building through the perfume section. I was afraid they were going to think that I had stolen something and chase me. If I don't run through the perfume section while holding my breath, I'll get a headache. That's what happens.